NUS Catholic Students Society
Natalie Koh
Year 3 | Medicine
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April 14, 2022
Hi everyone! I am Natalie a year 3 student from medicine and Im here today to share my testimony with you!
Recently, I have been asking the Lord how else I can serve him and his people. To reignite a fire in my desire to serve him and to drag me out of spiritual dryness. This CAW, I guess the Lord heard my prayers and He replied through asking me to lead movement workshop. To be very honest, it wasn’t a call I was hoping to hear at the moment. It’s not really the best time because my current clinical posting is one of the more demanding ones. I was apprehensive and afraid to say YES because I know how big CAW is and how important it is as it may be the first encounter with the Catholic faith and CSS for many. I wanted to be able to put in my best effort but with CNY around the corner and school I was afraid that I would be too stretched and that was when the lies of not being enough crept in.
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Having said so, I still managed to experience the Lord through leading, through community, and through mission.
Through leading, I was being called when it is not the most convenient time, when I am not the most comfortable. When I was pushed out of my comfort zone, I was once again reminded that there is only growth in discomfort. When my mind was spiraling and worry filled my heart because my co-ic and I couldn’t find a common time to choreograph the dance, Jesus saw my anxious heart. He revealed truth through the chorus of the song we used for the movement workshop. He says “You are greater than the battle raging in my mind. I will trust You Lord, I will fear no more”. Once again, Jesus' providence shines through my doubts
I felt the Lord move through community as well! After knowing that I was leading the workshop I felt a deep sense of love and support from my friends who attended it even tho I knew some of them really don’t like dancing. The encouragement and affirmations from my community after sharing my fears made me feel once again that I am seen and heard, that I am constantly being prayed for, people who tell me that Jesus delights in my YES to Him. Community has always been a source of joy for me but more than just fellowship & banters I think this week the joy was even more evident from seeing them receive through the workshop.
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I was invited to give this testimony only yesterday night and there were so many reasons to say NO, I didn’t like to be unprepared but I was challenged by community to trust in the Lord. They stretch me and push me out of my comfort zone but I know that they do it because they desire more for me. Their constant check-ins throughout the day calmed my anxious heart and made me feel very much loved and at peace
Through going on mission this CAW, I experienced the Lord too! I was filled with a lot of fear in inviting my friends. These were friends I knew since I was M1, when I wasn't as involved in CSS, where a Thursday night was a possible day for us to meet up. As I grew stronger in my faith, I struggled more and more with explaining to them how my life is now centered around my faith instead of the other way round. I struggled to explain why I can’t just let my other CGL help lead CG to go out for dinner with them or why I can’t just miss 1 campus mass to go for a spin class with them.
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The call to invite them for CAW came with lots of anxiousness and uneasiness, I feared that they won’t understand, I fear that they would not have a good first experience, I fear that they would feel out of place during the workshop. But I realized all these thoughts were just in my head, it was all about me, my fears, my insecurities, my expectations, my desires, I was relying too much in myself and too little on God. The pride I had caused me to rely solely on on my own strength and I forgot that I was simply a worker in the lord’s vineyard, a small piece in his bigger masterplan.
I was so caught up in the doing that I forgot about the being. When I slowly let go and let God takeover, I found much more joy, peace and freedom. When I allowed the Lord to be the King of my life and to have more faith in Him, I was pleasantly surprised that a number of my friends said "yes" to attending the workshop. In them showing up, I am reminded that the Lord never fails to show up in my life too.
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As I was reflecting on my biggest takeaway this CAW, I was struck because there is really so much to give thanks for! But if I had to choose 1 it would be that as long as I show up with my 5 loaves and 2 fish, the Lord will take it, multiply and give me something so much more.
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1 Chronicles 28:20 "Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Today the Lord invites you to come as you are, be not afraid and trust in His providence.