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NUS Catholic Students Society
Shaun Choo
Year 1 | Psychology & Sociology
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January 3, 2022
Shaun Choo: Text
Hello everyone, my name is Shaun and I’m in year 1 psych and soci, and this is my CUR testimony. This CUR being one of the very first retreats ever since my baptism this year, I was excited to sign up and see what the Lord had in store for me and my brothers and sisters. As much as I would have hoped to come into it with an open heart and mind, deep down, I had already started to form expectations of how God would speak to me - in a one sided way where I would receive passively. However, the call to a deeply intentional and active journey with God became a consistent theme in my CUR journey and sparked a change in the way I see God in my life.
If you felt uncomfortable coming into the retreat, I know how you feel. In my excitement to sign up, I never really prayed about why God was calling me here. The day before the retreat, I struggled with this sense of uncertainty as I soon realised that my sins and brokenness that i’ve been hiding throughout my life will be brought to light. Light. Another theme God revealed to me in this uncertainty. This was first revealed to me during the first day of CUR when I went to find father Jude for my very first confession. There was heavy hesitation to ask father for confession prior to this because of my deep rooted insecurities and worries about judgment, unworthiness but mostly about voicing my sins out. I was scared and I couldn’t even voice out my confessions. After waiting 1 whole min, Father looked at me and asked “Why ahhh you scared ah?” and with a soft chuckle, he pulled me in and hugged me. In that moment, I felt so loved and felt the warm embrace of the Father. However, unlike the many wonderful and uplifting stories I’ve heard about confession, I left confession feeling very naked, vulnerable and solemn. It was only during the 2nd day of the retreat that I came to realise that this was the first intentional and active step God wanted me to take in order for my healing to begin.
And I actually realised that through a very tangible and reflective moment of my life - Through a sunrise in the shower. Without CUR, I wake up at very late hours of the day when the sun is already shining brightly through my window. However, with CUR, I told myself that I would wake up much earlier to shower and have some time to quiten my heart before arriving at OYP. Considering this sudden jump, I struggled to intentionally wake up early but I knew that I wanted to give this small yes to God. Thus, every morning I received the beautiful experience of seeing how the sun slowly lit up every dark corner of my bathroom with a warm and embracing touch - every small crack and dark corner could not hide from the light of the sun. In that moment, I realised that it was in my intentionality to wake up early, and the grace and strength given to me to do so, that I was able to see the beauty of the sunrise and its purpose. Similarly, it was in this that moment, I reflected on how God’s light shone onto the darkness of my heart, which wouldn’t have been possible if I i didn’t actively say this little yes to Him. One could say that the the light of the sun was a reflection of the light of the Son in my life. I can very happily say now that I enjoy walking up earlier since CUR ended to watch the sunrise as a reminder of Jesus’ love for me.
If I could sum up my CUR in one line, it would be the verse John 1:5 where it says “the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it”. Brothers and sisters, I just want to urge all of us once again, to recognise the sunrises in our life today. Sometimes, it just takes your simple yes for you to truly experience the Love that God wants to give you. AMEN.
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