When we think of beauty in a woman, what comes up in our mind? Someone physically attractive? Someone confident of herself because of her achievements? Or someone confident because she remembers who she belongs to?
As a woman growing up, my notion of beauty has been distorted by the world. The world often tells us women that we are just a collection of body parts and that our worth is based on the number on the scale or the measuring tape. The world told me and told us that my beauty would only come from my striving to become more attractive physically and emotionally. It was an endless rat race of striving to be seen, accepted and loved just for who I am.
I still remember the times when I stood in front of the mirror and pointed out all the parts I did not like about myself and told myself that nobody could even see me for me because I felt so ugly. I remembered the times when I would compare myself to other girls because their beauty seems more attractive than my own.
Yet on this journey, Jesus has been breaking down my notions of beauty each day as I walked deeper into this secret garden with my Heavenly Father. Jesus wanted to re-write the scripts the world has written in my heart.
I remember once I was praying in church. I was in a bad place with a lot of self-rejecting thoughts and was very stubborn with Jesus. I saw myself as a little girl and had a terribly broken heart and I was pointing out the areas in my heart that have been broken by the pain of abandonment, betrayal or broken of trust of the people I thought I could trust and my shortcomings. I was pointing out to Jesus the black areas of my heart and felt that it was too dark and messy for anyone to handle. Jesus then did the same actions as me of pointing the dark areas. As He pointed to these areas, He said firmly yet gently, “Beautiful.” At every broken area in my heart, He called it beautiful. He then said,
"I love you and you are beautiful because I am Your Father and I make all things new and you are a beautiful mystery."
Stasi Eldredge - a Christian author - mentioned that the essence of a woman is beauty and beauty is what the world longs to experience from a woman. Beauty is core to a woman – who she is and what she longs to be – and one of the most glorious ways we bear the image of God in a broken and often ugly world. Women are creatures of God’s great mysteries and not problems to be solved but mysteries to be enjoyed.
If I had not met Jesus or encountered him, I would be striving to become more beautiful. I could run more, eat less, put on more make-up to impress and to be loved. However, I realised that this kind of beauty only impresses but does not invites. This type of beauty is not flowing from one’s heart and it is almost forced, from the outside through discipline and fear.
Yet true beauty comes from our creator. Beauty flows from a heart at rest and a heart that knows its creator. Eldredge wrote beautifully in her book that a woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest, trusting God because she has come to know him to be worthy of her trust. To have a gentle and quiet spirit is to have a heart of faith and a heart that trusts in God, a spirit that has been quieted by his love and filled with his peace. She knows in her quiet center where God dwells that He finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy and in Him, she is enough.
She exudes a sense of calm and rest and invites those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort and she know that we have a vicious enemy that tries to destroy peace. A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and the room to become. That is why, my dearest sisters out there, we need to keep asking, asking Jesus to show us our beauty and ask him what he thinks of us as a woman. His words to us let us rest and unveil our beauty.
I know that I am not just a collection of body parts. I know that I have got dignity. I know that I am not my sins and my wounds. I know that I am redeemed through Jesus Christ. My faith tells me that that I am loved beyond measure and that I have dignity and beauty beyond measure and nothing of the world can take that away from me. Because I am His daughter.
I still remember the time when I went for morning mass during the Science and Engineering (SMECS) retreat last year. We went to the Church of the Holy Family and I sat right in front of the stained glass. It was early in the morning then so everything was dark and I couldn’t see much of the stained glass. As Mass progressed, the morning sun rose. Slowly, Light started to flicker in and I saw the beauty of the stained glass because the rays of the morning sun illuminated it. I started to tear a lot because Jesus whispered to my ear saying that He was the sun (son haha) and I was the stained glass. That my beauty is shown through His light and the source of my beauty came from Him and Him alone.
If I only dared to allow Him to shine brightly through me can I allow my beauty to invite others to rest and heal in my presence. If I only dared to allow Him to shine brightly through me can I stand in front of the mirror and claim the truth that I am His beloved masterpiece. If I only dared to allow Him to shine brightly through me can I allow myself to be seen, loved and cherished for who I truly am on the inside.
My dearest sisters, life is a messy journey, figuring out our femininity is a messy journey. But it will be worth it. I am on this journey of figuring out the mess in my heart too. Let us walk together on this journey. You are beautiful and you are seen and cherished. Ask Jesus to reveal to you your beauty today and for the wonder of who you are, I praise you Jesus.
- Bernice Lee