One of the many things that I pride myself for is my ability in getting things done quickly and efficiently. My planner brain is constantly whizzing and whipping up plans and check lists and what I should do to reach the goals that I have set. In many ways this has been my approach towards my own spiritual life. I am constantly analysing where have I fallen short, how can I grow in virtues, how do I heal the things that have caused me pain in the past. As I entered Lent, I was armed with a checklist of commitments that I want to do to help achieve my goal of healing. More prayer, more penance, more silence. I thought that if tried hard enough, I would get there. However, in this season of Lent, I have to learn to come face to face with my own weaknesses and shortcomings. To accept in humility that I cannot bring about my own healing and I cannot achieve them by my own strength. In His mercy and love the Father reveals Himself to me as the one who initiates. He reminds me that it is He who first loved me, thought of me and knit my in my mother’s womb. As Nouwen wrote, “The question is not “How am I to find God?” But “How do I let myself be found by Him?. The question is not “How am I to know God?” but “How am I to let myself be known by God?” And finally, the question is not “How am I to love God” but “How am I to let myself be loved by God”” (pg 106-107) I realised that the secret to the healing that I so desired in my heart lies not in more doing as the world has taught me, but just being. The healing that I so wanted came when I place myself in front of Jesus and to just be present. To allow Him to speak into the depths of my heart the words of affirmation and love that I so long to hear. What I needed to do was to just show up, each and every single day and make space in my heart to listen to what the Divine Lover has to say about who I am. Dear friends, the world teaches us that love has to be earned, that we should always hustle and do more things. But the beauty of our Lord is that it is He who first chases us and extends His invitation for us to come home. I am reminded of a particular song that brought a deep conversion in my own life, the lyrics says “You can come as you are, but it may set you apart, when you make room in your heart” The Father doesn’t expect that we come home only after we have finally gotten everything together. Because truth be told, we never will. But God in His mercy, runs out and seeks us out and brings us home. Will you allow Him to bring you to His heart and reveal His deep love for you?
- Kathleen Utojo
* Click here to read about our sister, Francesca Lee's reflection on the prologue! *
* Click here to read about our sister, Abigail Tan's reflection on the younger son! *
* Click here to read about our brother, Edwin Lim's reflection on the younger son! *
* Click here to read about our sister, Alyssa Toh's reflection on the elder son! *
* Click here to read about our brother, Brendan Loy's reflection on the elder son! *