Before reading Nouwen’s book, I have never thought much about the elder son in the parable. Although the elder son showed contempt and resentment for the return of his younger brother, I felt it was an understandable reaction. Isn’t it normal to feel that way when you seem to slog so hard, yet others who didn’t seem to do the job are rewarded or thanked instead?
Nouwen’s reflection about the elder son made me reflect deeper on what I thought was a “natural reaction” of the elder son. Often, I find myself in a similar cycle of ingratitude as the elder son. As an only child, I’m usually the one taking care of my grandma, and her elderly siblings. Sometimes when things go wrong, I’ll get blamed, and I feel unappreciated. I often get compared by them with others too, and at the end of it, I feel smaller and more insecure. Then, I will start to resent for being “the elder son who remained in the house”. I catch myself wondering: does God love others more, and that’s why He has blessed them with such good gifts, while I’m just so boring and normal?
However, whenever I catch myself feeling resentment, I start berating myself: how can I think this way when they mean well? How can I claim that I am a Christian yet harbour so much resentment and selfish thoughts?
However, Nouwen suggests that the way to combat this chronic complaint is through a discipline of gratitude: “The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy” (page 87).
Many times I say “thank you Jesus” after receiving a happy news and then proceed to have amnesia about what I have been blessed with when things get difficult. But there is “the option to look into the eyes of the One who came out to search for me and see therein that all I am and all I have is pure gift calling for gratitude” (page 87). Despite my own struggles and imperfections, I recognise that I still have a loving family, who loves me for who I am, offers me comfort in times of my struggles and who wants the best for me. I can “give up the lie that I am less loved than my younger brothers” (page 85), for the Father “responds to both according to their uniqueness” (page 83).
I am learning to recognise my own uniqueness, that I’m not less loved by God. God loves us for who we are, and He has gifted each of us unique gifts. When I lament on my shortcomings, I am being ungrateful for what the Lord has given me. This Lenten season, I challenge myself to be grateful for what I have, even when there seems to be nothing. Fr Mike Schmitz shared this in an Ascension Presents video, “Even though you might not have everything you’ve hope for, you do have something to be grateful for.”
Many things may be going on right now for you - fear or anxiety over the pandemic, worry for loved ones, overwhelming workload etc - but I invite you to still choose gratitude. Even in the darkest of times, there is always something to be grateful for.
- Alyssa Toh
* Click here to read about our sister, Francesca Lee's reflection on the prologue! *
* Click here to read about our sister, Abigail Tan's reflection on the younger son! *
* Click here to read about our brother, Edwin Lim's reflection on the younger son! *
* Click here to read about our brother, Brendan Loy's reflection on the elder son! *
* Click here to read about our sister, Kathleen Utojo's reflection on the father! *